HELLO.

Sorry it’s been a while. I am writingthis surrounded by pieces of paper that I have scrawled all kind of statistical nonsense onto have just finished my last exam. Crumbs. It’s been a long haul.

BUT NOW — facts are BACK BABY.

Maybe not every single day but a lot of days. So that’s a whole lot better than the last couple of weeks.

And don’t you worry. I"m starting you off on a good one.

Meet this little guy.

Thrilling I know. There’s nothing you love more than to see a fossilised ostracod.

But THIS one is called Colymbosathon ecplecticos — which means astounding swimmer with large penis.

I know.

I know.

Now this one is a female, but males tend to have shells that are a bit longer than females, because they have to accommodate a pair of large penises that, when uncoiled (yes uncoiled eugh) are SIX TIMES as long as the ostracod itself.

(side note — these are also the oldest penises we"ve ever seen at 425 million years old — pretty cool)

Now why has this happened? Believe it or not. For this species of ostracod, size really does matter and females really prefer males that have big penises.

But this is a bit of a problem, because these penises are so energetically costly that the poor ostracods went extinct.

Yep — literally killed by their giant penises. This leads to wonderful headlines such as this:

Who says journalism is a dying art.

Hope you enjoyed the return of the facts.

LOVE TO YOU,

Flora xxxx